Acholi Culture: Weddings and Dowries

Animals are an important part of Acholi dowries.  These goats, two of many given, were part of Jennifer’s dowry.

Awkwardly, the men crawled into the circular hut, leaving their shoes in a pile at the door.  They slid their knees across the worn, earthen threshold, slacks and all.  Under the light of a bare bulb dangling overhead like a banished star, they took their places against the mud wall, sitting on reed mats.  Facing them from an arc of thrones, nine men sat in plastic chairs that lined the hut’s opposite wall.  The few women in attendance—all elderly with the exception of the bride and her sister, all in ornate, spotless gomas—sat on the ground at the periphery of the scene.  A large metal pot filled with gifts—a live chicken, boxes of matches, a gas lantern—acted as the room’s clunky nucleus.  Once silence blanketed the space, the stage was set:  Jennifer and Shanti’s wedding could now begin.

*****

For the Acholi, as well as many other agrarian tribes around the world, marriage is far more than the union of two individuals.  In northern Uganda, marriage is a wedding of families, of regions, and it is the culmination of immense amounts of planning.  (Drive-through Vegas-style weddings are not and will never be popular in Uganda.)

Because a couple’s extended family must endorse their union, a large gift for the woman’s family, a dowry, or keny in Luo, is a fundamental component of the marriage.  You see, only a group of people can collectively supply the various items required for a dowry; rarely can one person ever provide the entire gift.  A family effort in organizing and procuring, the dowry unifies the man’s family by calling on all of them for support.  Once many people have offered up animals, money, and other goods for a dowry, the marriage morphs into a manifestation of the family’s support for the couple.

For the woman’s family, the dowry is a sign of respect.  An appropriate dowry paid in accordance with all the proper protocol sends a clear message to a woman’s parents and siblings:  The man’s family respects them and their daughter enough to invest in her and the foundation of her marriage.  Incorrectly, many Westerners are taught that a dowry equates to a woman’s value, that a woman’s worth is nothing more than a number of animals and a pile of money; the dowry is a symbol of respect, not a price tag for the bride herself.  As the cornerstone of any Acholi marriage, the keny is the cultural rock upon which a couple’s future is built.

The meetings treasurer counts the monetary portion of Jennifer’s dowry

As one would expect, negotiating the terms of such a monumental gift isn’t easy.  The process starts with a letter from the man’s family asking the woman’s family for a dowry estimate.  After receiving this letter, a bride’s parents will meet with her brothers to agree on a figure.  Considering their family background, the woman’s level of education, and if she has already been living with her husband-to-be, the family will decide on an appropriate dowry.  Once the husband’s family learns of the dowry price, they’ll write a response letter that gives an expected payment date.  The meeting in which the dowry is paid is more than just an exchange of goods and money—it’s a wedding.

*****

The truck, an old white workhorse scarred with scratches, lumbered up to the compound.  One of its passengers, a jet black goat with horns, bleated out into the night sky as if it could taste the stew it would soon flavor.  The back of the truck was packed with a bunch of cows and goats.  Nearby, awaiting the start of the meeting, the groom and his party—six family members who would represent him—sat still and in silence like hopeful job candidates waiting to be called for interviews.

After they received word that the woman’s family was ready and waiting, the groom’s party formed a line and marched toward the hut.  To show respect for the woman’s family, the men crawled into the hut and sat on the floor.  Introductions quickly led to the examining of checklists and passing over of gifts.  A representative from the groom’s party handed over almost a dozen small gifts that, although inexpensive, carried valuable symbolic significance:  a pair of shoes, a chicken, a suit, a dress, a spear, boxes of matches, a lantern, and gasoline, among other things.  These gifts each represent a wedding story in Acholi culture, and each, as an expected token that shows respect for the woman’s family, is crucial to the success of the wedding meeting.

Barefoot and in luxurious gomas, the women in Jennifer’s family look on with the bride-to-be (in red and gold) as the dowry details are finalized.  The chicken in the foreground is one of the traditional gifts that was presented to the bride’s family.

Once the symbolic gifts were handed over, both families discussed the two large components of the dowry:  the cash payment and the animals.  Jennifer’s cash payment was millions of shillings [thousands of dollars US], and the animals included in her dowry were many goats and cows.  Shanti, the groom, arrived at the meeting with most of the cash payment and some of the animals.  This is common in Uganda; often the groom will bring what he can and will promise to pay the rest in the following year.  The Acholi wedding meeting differs from Western ceremonies in almost every way.  After all, money, not love, is the main item up for discussion.

*****

To those of us living in countries where the dowry system is not in place, the custom might seem confusing.  Are families putting a monetary value on a bride?  Why can’t a bride help decide how much her dowry should be?  What if a man’s family can’t afford to pay the dowry of the woman he loves? The system, once explained, is far from confusing.  Without it, many Acholi would argue, much of the family structure they rely on would fall apart.

The money that Acholi parents collect when they receive a dowry is not for them—it is for their sons.   Dowries are used by sons to help pay the dowries for their own wives.  It is a self-fueling cycle—dowries are used to pay dowries.  Why have dowries at all then, you ask?  Because dowries help solidify marriages and make divorce an impractical option.  If a wife leaves her husband, her relatives can be forced to return her dowry to the husband’s family.  A husband, because he has literally invested in his wife and her family, is not likely to leave his wife for any reason.  Divorce in northern Uganda is something people know of, not something they know.

*****

The meeting lasted two hours.  At the end of it, the great aunt of the bride, the meeting’s wayo, stood up and let out a shrill wail, filling the hut with sound.  Everyone smiled, pushing aside the formality that had been masking their faces for hours.  The call, a signal to family and friends waiting outside that the meeting had been a success, that Norman had accepted the dowry, marked not only the start of the multi-day wedding celebrations, but the start of a new, shared life, as well.